Now, I know we Chihuahuas are just the cutest and most adorable little mongrels on the planet, but occasionally we can misbehave. However, that does make for some funny dog stories. We aim to please.

It’s not usually our fault. It’s usually because of kids who pull our tail or stroke us the wrong way (I hate that!) Or old ladies who pick up us up and smear their bright pink lipstick all over our lovely designer scarves.

When something as distressing as this happens, I can’t help but go barking mad! And my bark is a strong bark. My bark can be heard for miles. My bark is so ferocious it will make grown men cry. Ha!

But Mommy says I need to behave better. She thinks sometimes I am provoked too easily and need to control my temper. I thought maybe she was right. I always try to listen to what Mommy says. But I do not she does like to dine out on my funny dog stories so I don’t think she minds too much.

So, last week we decided to create the world’s very first Chihuahua Dog Behaviour Checklist!

The idea was that Mommy and I would go to the park, where I tend to bark a lot, to see what bothered me. Then I would try my best to keep calm any time I wanted to bark.

So here it is…

Chihuahua Dog Behaviour Checklist!

1. Be nice to kids. Even the ones with sticky fingers.

This is another one of my funny dog stories. We’d only been in the park for five minutes when 2 little girls came over and started petting me. They made a strange squealing noise, but they were gentle and thankfully they stroked me the right way. I didn’t feel like barking 🙂

But then their baby brother noticed us. He looked awkward and clumsy as he stumbled towards us. Hmm. This was more dangerous, I thought. He came closer, to within touching distance, and I began to get nervous. And that’s when I noticed it: a jam sandwich! IN HIS HAND! Oh God! I looked at Mommy. She hadn’t noticed. I didn’t bark. I stayed calm. I didn’t want to fail the behaviour test so quickly. The baby brother reached out his free hand. I could see the jam stuck to his fingers. It was awful. They moved towards me. Closer – inches away! I shut my eyes tight. ‘Don’t bark, Chilli’ I thought to myself, ‘Whatever you do, don’t bark!’. And that’s when Mommy saved me. Just in the nick of time Mommy saw the boy’s sticky jam fingers and lifted me to safety! It was like an angel swooping down to save me from something truly terrible.

I love you Mommy!!

Verdict: Pass!

2. Indulge your fans

Being the Internet’s cutest and possibly most famous Chihuahua, it doesn’t surprise me when people stop Mommy and I in the park to ask for a photo. They are great fans of all the funny dog stories that appear on this site. Ha, modest, moi? Usually I don’t mind this, but sometimes – if I’m having a bad day – I simply don’t have the time.

After escaping the sticky jam fingers, however, I was in a good mood. I wanted to show Mommy how grateful I was too, so when somebody recognised me and asked to take a photo, I was more than happy to oblige! I posed for 3 or 4 and put on my best smile. Mommy was pleased 🙂

Verdict: Pass!

3. Respect your elders

We continued our walk and my tail was wagging. I felt great. This behaviour test was easy! ‘I was going to pass with flying colours!’ I thought. Mommy said what a good boy I was. I love my Mommy.

But then another dog appeared. He was an ugly, bigger dog that I’d never seen before. God he was a brute. And here he was, on my patch! ‘How dare he!’ I thought. And he was old and smelled awful. A big, old, brutish dog making a smell on MY patch!! I couldn’t resist. ‘Go away!’ I barked, ‘Take your old horrid smell some place else!’ I barked again. It felt good. And if I didn’t tell him then who would? He looked scared when he walked past with his owner. ‘Ha!’ I thought.

But Mommy wasn’t impressed. She scolded me. “Chilli! I thought we agreed you were going to behave today! What did that nice old dog ever do to you? You should respect your elders Chilli!”

I realised Mommy was right. I shouldn’t have barked at him for being old, ugly and smelly. I should respect my elders like Mommy says.

Verdict: Fail 

4. Be the bigger dog and walk away

I was determined to make up for my little outburst and show Mommy that I could pass the Chihuahua Dog Behaviour test. Just one chance – that’s all I needed!

Then I saw another dog. A bigger and older dog who I could respect! Yes! The dog came closer. Gosh he really was big, and quite scary-looking actually. But it didn’t matter; I would respect him anyway! But then I realised he didn’t want to be friendly. He suddenly leaped towards me, pulling his surprised owner by the leash, and barked very loudly. He had the scariest bark I’d ever heard! Suddenly I didn’t want to be friends with this dog anymore, even if it meant I lost my chance to redeem myself. Mommy shouted at the bad dog and I ran to the other side of her. I was scared, but Mommy would keep me safe!

Before the dog could reach us his owner pulled him back and shouted at him too. He turned and walked away. I was safe, and I hadn’t barked back! “Well done Chilli” said Mommy, “he was a nasty dog but you behaved so well. Here, take a doggy treat for being such a good boy.”

Verdict: Pass!

And just like that, I was happy again. I had passed the first Chihuahua Dog Behaviour Test! And received a treat! That really is one of many funny dog stories. Mind you I am using the word ‘funny’ in the ironic sense here

Now I’m looking forward to the next test. I could be the best-behaved Chihuahua in London before long! 🙂 What do you think?